Isshoni
by Perhelediel
Summary: Me, softening up? Imagine that, Naminè. You have a good influence on me, I think. Rikucentric oneshot, post KH2. [Namiku]


First ever POV, Riku-centric drabble. It's just a fair 1,600 words of pure, unadulterated Namiku goodness. Yeah, I love Roxmine like you wouldn't believe, but I fell in love with this pairing first. I believe, therefore, the former prevails. XD

It's angsty, kind of. And yeah, there's mentionings of Kairiku, but they're dispelled by the man himself. Well, not really man, but…you know. Also blatant confirmation of Sokai. You didn't think you'd escape without Sokai, did you? XP

I know some of you will ask, so I'll say it—yes, I'll be updating This Time I'll Fight very soon. I've got the notebook sitting here, I just gotta finish typing it up and figuring out a good way to lead out of the chapter.

Okay, just read. Reviews are ALWAYS welcome.

**Disclaimer**: Song lyrics from "Final Distance" by Utada Hikaru. And as for story and characters...none of 'em are mine. If they were, would I be writing crack pairing fanfiction? No, I'd be animating fluff scenes!

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I saw you, you know.

I honestly never thought I'd see you again, after I left. Then again, I didn't think I'd see you after the time we met in that castle, either. You came to me—I thought you were my best friend, but no. You were somehow…different.

But wait…you're her Nobody. You were the one I was thinking of, just not…well, you weren't exactly. I don't know.

I'm not making much sense, am I?

_Ki ni naru noni kikenai  
__Oyogitsukarete kimi made mukuchi ni naru_

You appeared out of nowhere, opened a path to the world of light. No one saw you except me, Sora, and Kairi—the King and the others never noticed. I don't think you saw me, though.

You know, it's funny. You know from your whole memory-sampling thing that I had a crush on Kairi. Yeah, I admit it. I had it bad. I even exploited Sora's obvious crush on her by making fun of him with that stupid fruit. I mean, I'd known her practically my whole life—I mean, wouldn't you want to be with the person who somehow let you in to a whole new world, opened up so many possibilities? I was only six years old when she came, and my little isolated world felt like the only one in the universe.

But when she came, all of a sudden the walls were torn down—I could see outside that tiny place. At least…somehow I knew there was some way to get off that stupid rock in the middle of the ocean, and because of her…Kairi…I knew there would be somewhere of substance for me to find.

And damn, I was so excited.

We made a raft, you know. At least, we were almost finished when all that darkness crap came and interfered. And I turned to that same darkness, to save Kairi—to…to save you.

It's weird…I could sense a change, after Kairi woke up, got her heart back. It had been sleeping so long inside Sora's, they became practically inseparable. Oddly enough, I felt like the part of her personality I was infatuated with had somehow disappeared. Either that, or she was saving that side of herself only for Sora.

I could tell right away, you know. Those two were made for each other. It's so painfully obvious, sometimes I just want to smack some sense into them. Sora's a total sap over her and Kairi obviously feels the same way about him, so why are they taking so long to realize it?

_Futari de distance chijimete  
__Ima nara maniau kara  
__We can start over  
__Hitotsu ni wa narenai_

I think that's when I knew…me and Kairi couldn't be together. I knew the second I got some of myself back, in Hollow Bastion. I somehow or other got the better of Ansem and was able to hold him back, just for a minute.

It hurt like hell, you know.

But all of a sudden, I was okay with it. I saw her standing there, between Goofy and Donald…I think she was crying. At least, she looked like she was about to. Hell, if I'd known at the time what Sora had just done to himself, I probably would've gotten the same way…but I didn't know. I just knew I had to make good use of these few seconds I had as myself again. But…I looked at her, and instead of that weird butterfly feeling in my gut I always got when I was around her, I felt something else.

Yeah, it was love. But not _that_ kind.

I was her brother…someone willing to take a knife for her, willing to protect her within an inch of my life. This was my best friend, and I just knew that no matter what happened to me…I wanted her to be safe. I didn't care anymore if she wasn't mine, not my girlfriend, my first love, anything like that. She was my sister, the closest a friend can be, and I wanted her out of danger, and fast.

So I told her to run.

That might've been when everything changed. I had my moment, holding Ansem back, my true self standing there with my arms spread out like some idiotic hero. And I didn't feel the urge to tell her I loved her, I didn't feel like I needed to prove why she should choose me, and not Sora. It seemed stupid.

It was gone. That part I loved about her seemed to be somewhere else.

Naminè…I think _you're_ that part that she lost.

_Itsu no hi ka distance mo  
__Dakishimerareru you ni nareru yo  
__We can start sooner  
__Yappari I wanna be with you_

I only half-believed you were Kairi when you came to me in the darkness, when I nearly gave in at Castle Oblivion. I know it sounds weird, but you smelled different, in some odd way. Kind of funny how darkness sharpens your senses like that.

But I felt that same…wonder. That same awe, the desire to just shut my mouth and hang on your every word. Almost the same way I did when I listened to Kairi, before I found myself out of "like" with her.

I know they say never to make the same mistake twice. And don't get me wrong—I'm not saying the only reason I…am saying this is because I liked Kairi first, and you're the next best thing.

Nuh-uh. Know why?

You might be her Nobody, as in…Kairi's body, without her heart, but you're not her. You'll never be her. You're your own person, as much as you disagree. I know you, like Roxas said he knew you.

I know you'd say you're not an individual—you know too much. You know that if not for Kairi, you wouldn't exist. Yeah, that's true. And you know that there's nothing new or original about you, that your personality and your memories and…all of that came straight from Kairi, you didn't get it from anywhere else. You can't be your own person, because you were created from someone else.

You're wrong, Naminè.

You started from square one as Kairi's shell, yes. Fine, I'll admit that. But from then on, nothing about Kairi defined you. You started life on your own, knowing only that you were now a living person and therefore had to start…well, living. Kairi couldn't make decisions for you, because she didn't matter anymore.

You were just another girl…a blonde, blue-eyed girl who loves to sit and draw in her little room. An individual. A real person.

Sora wasn't completely delusional when you screwed around with his memories. You implanted elements of yourself in his image of you. That personality couldn't lie. He was "remembering" the real you, Naminè, even if the circumstances were fake. You may not have lived on the islands with us, and that was the part of his memories that was a complete lie, but your sweetness and gentleness and quietness wasn't. I mean, he IS my best friend. We share the same mind, practically.

Which is…why you began to replace Kairi in his mind. He fell head-over-heels for you, Naminè. Not anyone else…you. There are parts of you I never saw in Kairi before—they shine through in you, because you choose to bring them out. You. You make the choices about yourself.

I don't blame him, like I said. We're best friends, we like the same things. You put his memories back properly so he'd forget how much he'd come to like you.

But I still remember. I met you for that one half hour, and that was enough. He was right when he started to like you. I agree with him on every count.

Around Kairi, I felt like I had to be tough. Like I had to prove to her that I could defend her, that I could knock anyone down…especially other guys. I felt like I had to look like the stronger, better person in her eyes so she'd never compare me to anyone else.

Around you, though…I felt like my defenses were completely broken down. I couldn't be fierce, I couldn't yell and shout and beat the crap out of stuff just to impress you.

I felt like I had to be gentle…you made me soften up.

_Hito koto de konna ni mo kizutsuku kimi wa  
__Kodoku wo oshiete kureru_

Me, softening up? Imagine that, Naminè. You have a good influence on me, I think.

You're the one who broke down those walls. You're the one who made me feel real again, like I could have emotions. I had to hide them everywhere else—take on the world, fearlessly. I might be cocky and confident, yeah, but that came to be how everyone expected me to be. I couldn't let that down.

Around you…I just wanted to feel again. I knew I could trust you with anything, even if you never said a word.

So…you're gone now, Naminè. If I want to talk to you, it's through Kairi. And I have no idea if you can hear me or not. Last time I saw you, you were fading away, back into her. Last time I physically laid eyes on you, you were a flicker of light around Kairi's body before she looked normal again.

I know Kairi would find it weird if I talked to her all the time, though, no matter how desperate I was to somehow communicate with that part of her deep inside that just happens to be…you. So I don't.

I just think.

_Mamorenai toki keep on trying, baby  
__Yakusoku doori janai kedo trust me  
__Muri wa shinai shugi demo  
__Kimi to nara shite mite mo ii yo_

I wonder if you'll ever get to hear me. I wonder if you'll get to hear any of this, if I'll ever see your eyes looking back at me somewhere in Kairi's. Because I miss them…I miss them really badly.

And here I told Sora I wasn't a total sap like him.

This is the effect you have on me, Naminè, you know that? You've changed me. At least, you did while you were still you. While you were still alive, in the meanest way possible, even. And I miss it. I miss _you_.

So…if this is how it's going to be, then fine.

I just hope maybe I'll see you again…even if I can't touch you, talk to you, maybe hold you.

Try to hold on to yourself, wherever you are. Please don't…forget about me, okay?

_I wanna be with you now  
__Sono uchi ni distance mou  
__Dakishimerareru you ni nareru yo  
__We should stay together  
__Yappari I need to be with you_

_A scattered dream that's like a far-off memory  
__A far-off memory that's like a scattered dream  
__I want to line the pieces up…  
__Yours and mine._

_Issho ni…_

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Yeah, it's pretty sappy. Riku, a sap? Gosh.

Anyway…I'd **love** some reviews on this. Let me know if everyone is in character, whether everything sounded okay, yeah, the whole package.

Much love to all my readers. You rock.


End file.
